Depression…or whatever it is.

  • I have been in a funk lately. I dont know if it is depression or one of my other troubles. I dont care about anything. I feel numb. It hasn’t affected my writing or note taking. My Muse sendd me a steady supply. I am writing ideas on my note app and on my folded note papers and even straight into my sketch/note books. Im well into note book 22 now. I probably need to go see somebody. Maybe I need to “get” on something. There is too much “noise” in my life. Ask any introvert about noise. For us, it’s not too good. I need a quiet place. I wonder if the medicine of quiet time might help.

Depression…or whatever it is.

  • I have been in a funk lately. I dont know if it is depression or one of my other troubles. I dont care about anything. I feel numb. It hasn’t affected my writing or note taking. My Muse sendd me a steady supply. I am writing ideas on my note app and on my folded note papers and even straight into my sketch/note books. Im well into note book 22 now. I probably need to go see somebody. Maybe I need to “get” on something. There is too much “noise” in my life. Ask any introvert about noise. For us, it’s not too good. I need a quiet place. I wonder if the medicine of quiet time might help.

My New Space

I have been away for a while now. I left a bad situation and I have been laying low. I have read many posts and commented on them, but I haven’t written any of my own. I have a new desk and supplies to go with it. I didn’t buy anything new. I went to thrift stores and craigslist to get everything. It took months piecing it together. I wanted a desk like the one I used to own ,but couldn’t find one so I bought a roll top desk. I am very happy with it and I don’t think I will ever be happy without one. They are amazing and filled with many hiding places. This is one of the largest I have ever seen. It is 54 inches wide. I replaced the locks and keys on it. The people I got it from bought a bigger storage desk unit with shelves on it and needed to get this one out of the way. I have my old typewriter hanging out on top. I found some vintage items to place around on it. Just for fun. I did splurge on one item. I found a LED light bar for my work light. It is awesome and doesn’t get in the way. It has 5 different light settings and has a USB port built into the side. I took out the under side keyboard slide and built a drawer to replace it. I have even more room. I hate those keyboard slide trays.

Note page 200

I reached page 200 of saved notes for stories and fragments of dialogue, etc. These pages come from my Notepad app. Whenever I have an idea or hear something funny, I write it down. I have to be quick or I will forget it. I still do handwritten notes at work. Those are the ones I cut up and paste in my books. The note app is a life saver. I grab the phone and start typing. When I am happy with the length of the page I text it to my google account and store it.

My Muse fights for me.

 

I’ve started talking in my sleep. Mom says it sounds more like mumbling than talking. I am dealing with alot of personal issues. In the past, I slept like a baby. Matters from the live world enter my sleep kingdom now. My place of escape is being rattled by things I can barely deal with when I am awake. When I sleep I dont rest and when I am working , I want to close my eyes and lay down in a corner. During one of these sleep/awake/sleep moments, I had a vision of my Muse. She was yelling to me but I couldn’t understand her. The next moment her mouth was gagged with a white cloth. She wasn’t able to communicate at all. She has been quiet since then. I know she fights for me. I can  feel it inside.

Confessions of an introvert part 2 or If My Life Was a Puzzle

I began first grade in the fall of 1972. It would be 44 years before I found out what I “am”. That’s a long time suffering in secret. I was a puzzle without a picture to work with. A blank puzzle can’t be put together. Last year,the photo for the puzzle appeared. I have written about it and I dont want to bore you, but a close friend told me she thought I was an Introvert. I studied, thanks to the wonderful web, and it was a flash of light in my life. All the pieces fit together. I am an Introvert and having the pieces to the puzzle brought joy and it also delivered sadness. Back in ’72 there were no books, very little knowledge and no web to search for yourself. If I had known, my life would have been lived differently. If you notice I avoid describing Introvertmess as a sickness or something being “wrong” with me. If you know you have it, you can harness that power and do many wonderful things. I did not know and therefore I didnt explore its full potential. But, now I am “working it” hard. I was born with it and I am dealing with it. It is never too late. I am passed my 50th year and just beginning to live. The clouds have cleared and the puzzle is together. The final puzzle is what will I do from here. I don’t need a picture to decide that. I will create my own. Still, I think back to the 6 year old me. I didn’t know what I would face, but I can look back in memory and see. I pray all young Introverts can find out now. It will be clear to them and they can follow the best path.